And when I say, ‘Slay queen,’ I’m talking to myself in the bathroom mirror, ready to head out and run our little kingdom.
Because that’s what our homes are when we stop and think about it. Some kingdoms(homes) are flourishing, some dying, and some are stagnant, stuck in cycles that don’t work, but afraid or unwilling to make the changes that need to occur.
I loved Queen Elizabeth II. She took the crown seriously. There’s one episode in particular where she talks about her old self ‘dying.’ She was young and carefree, full of ideas about how her life would go. When she became queen at 25, she took on a new identity. She took on the responsibilities, the joys and the challenges of her weighty position.
I had to do the same. I had been Emily. Just Emily. With a messy room, and a messy purse and car. I’d back out of obligations if something better came up. I’d stay up too late and roll onto to the next fun thing. I answered to no one really. If I slept the day away or not, no big deal.
Then I stepped into my first weighty position at 21, wife to Andy. No escape hatch, and Andy who was front and center in my day to day. I truly was accountable to him. He was someone I was building into or taking away from. I’m ashamed to say now, but the old bad habits didn’t die away quickly. But somewhere along the way, I took it seriously. I took on this role, and attempted to grocery shop, cook and consider our little kingdom and the attributes that it would include. These attributes quickly took shape in the form of beauty, learning and hospitality. That first year I bought flowers for our free to us, fake veneer table. I copied down French recipes (mostly rabbit and hollandaise sauce🫠.) I cooked! It wasn’t good. The meat would be done 20 minutes before the rice. Staggered eating anyone? Many times I wouldn’t have much to show for my grocery shopping besides orange juice, bagels, eggs, sparkling water and a fresh bouquet. But I kept at it. I knew home was important and foundational. In one of my favorite episodes in ‘The Crown’, the kingdom is bleeding out money(relatable). They start looking at all the employees in the kingdom. There’s someone who cares for the swans, theres the bag pipe player, and the stemware keeper. All seemingly superfluous jobs in our modern culture. As the queen looks closely at each of these positions, she sees these are beautiful, rare trades that have been passed down through generations. She makes this beautiful statement that the crown is not to be just ordinary, but to transcend. To give magic to the every day. An intentional home full of beauty and traditions transcends the ordinary. I caught a glimpse of this magic and was going to pursue it with all I had!
I was also a substitute teacher and cheerleading coach at Schroon lake Elementary in New York where we lived that first year of marriage. Admittedly at 22, I was bright eyed and bushy tailed. There was abundant poverty in this area, and I believed I could save the world single-handedly. I had those cheerleaders over for the Brittney Spears movie(yes, that’s a thing), and I brushed and braided their hair and told them they were amazing. We led small groups in the youth group and all at once we had a revolving door that still revolves freely to this day. We were building our kingdom.
Then I was 23, in West Virginia, to finish my college degree and told my best friend, ‘I’m 10 days late.’ She told me, ‘You should take a test.’ We drove to Walmart and picked up the cheapest pregnancy test available. Positive. It was October. Gauley season, as our whole world revolved around raft companies, guiding, and tips at this point. A joke that Andy often told was, ‘What do a medium pizza and a rafting guide have in common? Neither can feed a family of four.’ Hahaha… she frenetically laughed while picturing her pregnant, 23 year-old self living in a van down by the river. A new weighty position was coming. Would we rise or fall?
Here we are, Andy a rafting guide, me six months pregnant, eating pizza at our favorite spot, Pies and pints.
Lily arrived, and I started reading to her almost constantly. This perfect, angelic being must have all the beauty this world had to offer. I would take her on daily walks, and show her the ducks in the pond. I’d point to trees, birds, and flowers and name them. I’d only play classical music to grow all her synapses, and other crazy, but well intentioned efforts that first time moms are famous for. School was in session without me realizing it. We were building a kingdom.
Baby Lily
Queen Elizabeth II’s reign was marked by her duty, steadfastness and loyalty. She was markedly unwavering. What will each of our ‘reigns’ so to speak, be marked by? Will we leave things brighter, more beautiful, and stronger, or will we abject the throne, shirk our responsibilities and crumble? I have started to think of my role as clocking into the most important job on earth. I pay bills, paint chipped walls, host dinner parties, and read stories to any of my kids who are willing to listen. How I spend my time matters. A kingdom is being established one way or another.